I have never eaten a Toblerone. Whenever I see one, it is segregated from the rest of the treats in the candy aisle. When I look at it, I think that it thinks that it is better than the rest of the candy. Its packaging is not flashy and it is always kept separate from mainstream candy. It is so fucking arrogant. I get the feeling that Toblerone shudders at the thought of making physical contact with a Milky Way, let alone a Heath or a Chunky. (Who is still buying Chunky anyway? That question will be addressed at a later date.)
Someday, I will find out if Toblerone is as good as it thinks it is. If you are hip, please let me know what its all about. I am worried that it might be the heroin of candy and will ruin me forever after I try it.
Just look at what happened to these people after they got a taste of Toblerone.
This guy was once a successful businessman. He wore a suit and tie to work every day and even had his own secretary. Now look at him. After one bite of Toblerone he went on a mountain-shaped-nougat binge and his life crumbled like Swiss Almonds in a hungry bum’s mouth. Now every morning he pulls on his crotch-stained pink sweatpants, gets down on his knees and does dirty deeds for Toblerone.
This man’s wife told him that it was either her or Toblerone. Before she could finish the sentence, he was already on his bike heading towards the Swiss Alps. Seeing how he lived in Idaho, this was not the most rational decision but somehow he made it there. Oceans can not even stand in the way of a Toblerone fiend.
I have eaten a Toblerone, multiple times in fact. This is not because of how tight they are, but rather because my memory fails me each time that Swiss chocolate log is staring at me from the candy aisle. I forget about the sheer disappointment I feel after each encounter and think that maybe I will like it. Nope, never the case. Toblerone is passable at best, so don’t worry about getting addicted. If the Skor Bar is the heroin of candy bars (this is not up for debate), then the Toblerone is the whip-its of candy bars: nothing too exciting, easily forgettable, non-habit forming but just enticing enough to get you to ruin a Sunday night every once in a while. Disregard the fact that Chris from Sopranos (a heroin addict) finished Tony’s Toblerone in that dream episode, merely a coincidence.
Sean, thank you for saving me from tainting my taste buds with Toblerone. I will never put that log in my mouth now that I have read your input on it. Some people tobe their bone for Toblerone and while that doesn’t even make any sense they still do it. Whip-its will not only ruin a Sunday night but they will also ruin a perfectly good can of whip cream and leave you with a drippy mess. I never even saw that episode of Sopranos so it is fitting that I will never eat Toblerone. This has been an interesting topic of discussion.
Toblerone would be better if it didn’t have the pieces of nougat in it. Also, I think a lot of people find the shape of the pieces confusing, and don’t know how to access it. There is a technique.