I have never eaten a Toblerone. Whenever I see one, it is segregated from the rest of the treats in the candy aisle. When I look at it, I think that it thinks that it is better than the rest of the candy. Its packaging is not flashy and it is always kept separate from mainstream candy. It is so fucking arrogant. I get the feeling that Toblerone shudders at the thought of making physical contact with a Milky Way, let alone a Heath or a Chunky. (Who is still buying Chunky anyway? That question will be addressed at a later date.)
Someday, I will find out if Toblerone is as good as it thinks it is. If you are hip, please let me know what its all about. I am worried that it might be the heroin of candy and will ruin me forever after I try it.
Just look at what happened to these people after they got a taste of Toblerone.
This guy was once a successful businessman. He wore a suit and tie to work every day and even had his own secretary. Now look at him. After one bite of Toblerone he went on a mountain-shaped-nougat binge and his life crumbled like Swiss Almonds in a hungry bum’s mouth. Now every morning he pulls on his crotch-stained pink sweatpants, gets down on his knees and does dirty deeds for Toblerone.
This man’s wife told him that it was either her or Toblerone. Before she could finish the sentence, he was already on his bike heading towards the Swiss Alps. Seeing how he lived in Idaho, this was not the most rational decision but somehow he made it there. Oceans can not even stand in the way of a Toblerone fiend.