The Time They Got Locked in That Dungeon
Of all the things Pat Sajak hated, what he hated most was being locked up in a dungeon and left for dead.
“Fuck,” Pat Sajak thought, “how did they know I hate being left for dead?”
As his eyes adjusted to the light, Pat Sajak noticed that Nacho Donut joined him in his current predicament. The two had been travelling along in their RV when a routine traffic stop brought their trip to a halt.
“How many fucking tickets do you have to get for us to be thrown in a dungeon?!” shouted Nacho Donut. “A DUNGEON?!”
“You better shut that little circle you call a mouth if you know what’s good for you, boy. Or girl.” replied Pat Sajak.
Pat Sajak was beginning to shimmy around and survey his surroundings. Pat Sajak also had a weird grin on his face.
“Can’t get any worse than this.” said Nacho Donut. “Unless you somehow break free and then decide that raping me is your first priority.”
Pat Sajak was insulted and had had enough. He had had enough before, but this was the most he had ever had had enough in his life. He had also had it up to here.
“Listen, you walking butthole. You fried little shit ring. I’ve seen Saw and all the trailers for the sequels. I know exactly what to do in a situation like this.”
As Pat Sajak was saying this, he grew redder and redder in the face. He was almost purple.
“All I gotta do is saw my fucking leg off and I’m outta here. Probably even fuck you on the way out,” Pat Sajak muttered.
Nacho Donut began to wonder when their relationship had become so sexual. It had always been violent, almost exclusively so, but this was a new wrinkle.
“Mr. Sajak, I think this is just a puzzle. And I’ve almost got it figured out…”
Before Nacho Donut could get another sentence out, Pat Sajak began to saw his fucking leg off.
“Sweet shit, that hurts! Oh, God, this is worse than Jeopardy!” screamed a surprisingly coherent, and obviously jealous, Pat Sajak.
As the hours passed, Pat Sajak came closer and closer to freedom as the lake of blood around his leg grew bigger and bigger. When Pat Sajak finally freed himself, he looked up, only to see there was no one else in the dungeon. Pat Sajak stumbled back to the apartment to see Nacho Donut, who had been there for hours, sprawled out on the couch. He had watched all the shit they had saved on the DVR. Of all the things Pat Sajak hated, what he hated second most was when people didn’t wait for him to watch shit he had saved on the DVR. The golden rule.
Then, Pat Sajak fainted and fell over, because he had chopped his leg off, while Nacho Donut Netflixed Love Actually.