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Retirement is good. A few months ago, I set up my computers and phone so that twitter could not function on them. I was trying to quit twitter for a while but couldn’t do it so I just made sure that twitter could not enter my life in any way. It was a great decision and has improved my life greatly. I would recommend it to anyone who uses twitter who would like to have more time and energy to accomplish things that they wanted to do in their life before twitter existed.

Twitter was very fun for a while but it has become a cesspool. I contributed to that cesspool at times but, in general, my twitter was extremely successful. I entertained thousands and arguably millions of people. I know that people have been trying to talk to me on twitter but whatever those people are saying will never make it to me. You may want to try more conventional methods of communication. If you are not interested in doing that, you might be surprised to find out that I do not care.

I conducted an experiment to see if banging my head against a brick wall for two months would accomplish more than using twitter for two months. As it turns out, banging your head against a brick wall for two months actually accomplishes an infinite amount more than using twitter for two months. I’m here for anyone who wants a scholarly debate in an appropriate setting but twitter mainly just gives the people tweeting a temporary burst of dopamine in the brain that tricks them into thinking that they did something important. The effect is similar to the effect that cocaine has on a person’s brain.

The person who is President right now had a lot of mean things said about him on twitter before the election. The mean things said about this person were intended to stop that person from becoming President. Despite having many mean things said about him on twitter, this person still won the election. In my opinion, this proves that saying mean things on twitter about a person running for office does not really help the cause of the person saying the mean things. If I wanted to change things, I probably would stop doing the exact same thing that has been proven to be ineffective but who am I to judge such tactics?

If likes and retweets resulted in election victories then saying mean things on twitter would be the best idea ever. However, that is not how the American electoral process works and, unless you dropped out of school prior to age 12, you would have been educated about the electoral college. If you don’t remember it then that is your fault and not the fault of your school. In addition to grade school education, there is a place called a library that has books in it that you can read for free. If you can not read then you might have trouble voting but I think that you should still be able to. However, if you are going to be mad at the electoral college, you have to be mad at it when your candidate wins and not just when your candidate loses.

Hating the person who is President will not stop that person from being President. It actually will not accomplish a single thing other than making you feel sad or angry. The people who like that President will be happy that you are sad or angry. Giving the opposition exactly what it wants is probably another example of a strategic mistake but I am a complete idiot so what do I know?

I believe that attaching one’s identity to a particular political party is one of the dumbest things that a person can possibly do in a free society. It is understandable for one’s identity to be linked to their religion but it is illogical to link your identity to your political party. When you link your identity to your political party, you are choosing for your political party to become your religion.

Politicians are not meant to be worshipped in America. A refusal to worship leaders as gods is one of the main reasons why America became a separate country from England. Over time, some educated people seem to have forgotten this. Additionally, both sides of the aisle undeniably seek and accept corporate contributions which makes America a Corporatocracy and not a Democracy.

In conclusion, Twitter sucks now. It is still better than Facebook, something that I have tried to use a little more, but I think that all social media platforms are pretty limited in their usefulness. I am going to maintain my twitter retirement and enjoy all of the positive things in my life. I wish you all the best in accomplishing whatever your goals and dreams are these days. David Letterman and I are currently having a post-retirement beard growing contest.

Your Friend,

@nachodonut

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Image“Two Scoops, Bitch” Nacho Donut is now for breakfast!!!

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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 70,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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I have heard from a source that today is National Hamburger Day. There are conflicting reports about this on the internet but I have found enough evidence to say that it is.

On this glorious day, I am left to contemplate one of the greatest pieces of literature of my generation. Of course, I am talking about Phil Hirsch’s 101 Hamburger Jokes. This book has changed my life in so many ways. I remember ordering it from one of those flimsy yet colorful paper sheets that we would get in grade school where we would pretty much be forced to buy books. Other people would get Goosebumps and books about Football and I would get books like this one. I also once got a poster of a chimpanzee wearing a Superman costume which I hope that I still have somewhere.

When I saw the picture of this Hamburger fortune teller I knew that this book was going to be the most significant book that I would ever have the opportunity to read. This book was one of the building blocks in my development as a human being. It’s impact on Nacho Donut is evident.

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There is a new tab at the top of the Nacho Donut page called the Random Post Generator. It is pretty self explanatory and will give you access to hundreds of Nacho Donut posts that you may have never seen before.

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A few month’s ago I was in a book store and I read this book called “Duck!Rabbit!”. This groundbreaking work of literature has left me both confused and inspired. Time magazine ranks it as the top children’s book of 2009. When I read it, it made me realize that I have missed my calling in life. I should have been writing children’s books all along.  In my opinion, it is the best children’s book I have read since Bill Peet’s The Wump World.

When I was in third grade, I borrowed this book from the school library. I returned it when I was done reading it.  A few weeks later the school librarian said that I did not return it and that I would have to pay a fine. I went to the shelf and showed her the book and proved that I had returned it. (In your face, Mrs. Allen. )

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I’ll read anything the guy writes, and when it’s a 700+ page book about my favorite sport it’s a no-brainer. I read some of my brother’s copy over Thanksgiving and can’t wait to finish it when I get a copy of my own.

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