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Posts Tagged ‘Comedy’

Pre-Tonight Show and TBS Conan O’Brien may have been the funniest show that was on television in my lifetime. He is still funny but I just don’t watch much TV anymore.

Here is a classical Masturbating Bear compilation that I found on youtube.

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Today at Nacho Donut Headquarters, a great discovery was made. We unlocked a time capsule and found two original Nacho Donut Product Prototypes that were made many years ago.

On the left is the Nacho Donut mug which served dual purposes as a coffee mug and a nacho cheese holder. On the right is Nacho Donut Dough. It was a lot like play dough but did not taste nearly as good.

These are real products that exist in reality. I have received generous offers to purchase these priceless historical artifacts but I have plans for their showcasing in the Nacho Donut Museum where they can be appreciated for all of eternity.

NDP1

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Today is a great day in Nacho Donut history.  We are currently attracting readers who are interested in mongoose sex and eating nachos aggressively.

The best part of this is that it says “mongoose getting sex”.

This is why I do this.

 

Screen Shot 2015-05-26 at 3.54.20 PM

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This is why you have mascots. Brutus the Buckeye is my favorite mascot but I am an OU alumni so my heart is torn in this situation. One would think that a tiny lifeless nut would not stand a chance against a wild animal like a bobcat but buckeyes are actually poisonous. According to Angela M. Fraser, Ph.D. of North Carolina State, eating a buckeye may cause you to have “twitching muscles, weakness, loss of coordination, vomiting, diarrhea, depression, paralysis and stupor.”

Most colleges choose to have mascots that represent things that will immediately strike fear into the hearts of their opponents. The Ohio State University chose to have a mascot that would seem friendly and innocent enough to make you want to eat it so that once you started to digest it you would shit yourself, get really sad about it and then go into a stupor. If you eat Brutus the Buckeye, you will be a shitting, twitching and stupefied motherfucker. That is if you are not paralyzed from ingesting that demon nut. Rufus should be glad that security broke up this scuffle because if he would have eaten Brutus, Brutus would have been fighting him from the inside and things would have really gotten messy.

I don’t think that either mascot necessarily won this fight. Rufus did take Brutus to the ground but that did not completely make up for him failing and losing his mascot head on his first attempt. Brutus tried to act like he was not fazed but you could tell that he was winded and caught off guard. Regardless, Rufus went on a solo mission right into the heart of Buckeye territory and lived to tell about it. Not even one football player tried to stop him. If Brutus the Buckeye tried to do this at OU the game would have been cancelled due to a riot and a busted nut. No one from Columbus wanted a piece of Rufus. You could tell Rufus wanted Brutus to fight back but Brutus was just trying to get Rufus to eat him so that he could give the Bobcat diarrhea. Notice Rufus punching Brutus in the balls as his parting shot. This was a proud day for Ohio. We are all winners because of this. This is what dreams are made of.

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This is a clip someone made with Mitch Hedberg talking about Donuts.

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This is the latest from iBrontosaurus

“It was time for me to drop my daily afternoon deuce and I needed something to read so I grabbed a copy of this free newspaper that I picked up a few days ago. I started perusing the classifieds when I saw an advertisement for Nung Wu’s Oriental Day Spa. There was a really hot, scantily clad Asian Masseuse in the picture and I immediately started getting a massive BrontoBoner. At that point there was not much I could do other then have another intense jacking session. I have posted this to the world so all can learn from my technique.”

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Fueled by Mike and Ikes, Lamar Odom is a key contributor in the Lakers game 3 win over the Celtics.

After the Lakers game 3 victory over the Celtics, Odom said that he was eating Mike and Ikes before the game. The oddly named fruit flavored candy aided Lamar in scoring a crucial 12 points in the Laker win. Mike and Ike need to sign him to an endorsement deal immediately. Better yet, give this man his own candy. You could call them Odom’s. It would at least make more sense than Mike and Ike. Mike and Ike is misleading as there are more than two flavors.I am not saying that they aren’t delicious, its just that the name is a little confusing. Either way, I have eaten Mike and Ikes out of a vending machine that were probably a few years old and I would do the same thing right now. The Walgreen’s by my house has big boxes of Mike and Ike on sale for a dollar so I am going to pick some up and see if they can improve my game.

Here is a quote from Odom last year when eating candy also helped Lamar take his game to another level.

“It’s funny because the games I played well were the games where I ate candy for breakfast,” he said, grinning. “It’s the reason why I got double digits in points and rebounds. I guess I’m going to have to eat candy for breakfast in order to play well.”

That might seem like a sarcastic statement but I don’t think it is. Khloe Kardashian probably tricked him into getting married with a king sized package of Starburst and some Airheads.

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