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Posts Tagged ‘News’

Richard Jefferson is fed up with the critics. The long time NBA Veteran has some fresh ink to demonstrate his displeasure. Just in case you forgot this man’s initials, RJ is now spelled out for you prominently on Jefferson’s forehead. Nothing says “No More Mr. Nice Guy” like a Face Tat. In what may be his final NBA season, RJ gives very few fucks these days.RJ_Yellow_Face_Tatt6.jpg

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There is Poo in the news. I have, for the most part, refrained from indulging in poo humor within nacho donut because sometimes you just have to act like you have been there before. I must make an exception in this case. 

Coming off the heels of Pooh Jeter becoming a free agent from the Chinese Basketball League, Poopgangsta has been arrested.

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Auburn defeated Oregon last night for all of the Tostitos. I am not joking. Auburn now has all of the Tostitos. Every single last one. The rest of the world is not even left with the salty crumbs at the bottom of the bag. I did not comprehend the significance of this game until I realized that if I wanted to get some Tostitos that I would have to go to Auburn and ask them if they could spare me some from their now abundant supply. Now if I want to enjoy some nachos locally I will have to settle for a subpar brand of tortilla chips.

This was a very entertaining game between two teams with prolific yet unorthodox offenses but the outcome was decided by some key defensive stands in addition to some critical defensive mistakes. Auburn appeared to be a much stronger team than Oregon but the Ducks really had every opportunity to win this game and just did not rise to the occasion.

One thing that I am not happy about is that the field conditions appeared to be quite shitty. Seeing how the game was played inside of one of the most state of the art domes on the planet, I don’t understand how this could have been the case. From the opening kickoff on, players were slipping and sliding all over the place. The reason that you play in a dome is so that you will have ideal field conditions and that was clearly not the case last night. I noticed this problem throughout the game but I did not hear the commentators talk about it much if at all. Anyone who doubts me on this can be my guest and go back and look at the game tape. Although both teams had to deal with it and Cam Newton himself slipped several times, having a slippery field was a bigger disadvantage for Oregon because their offense was dependent on speed and the field conditions did not allow them to do what they do best.

On a somewhat related note, ESPN is really starting to piss me off. They are a conglomerate of Sports News. They have become Fox News of Sports. They have strayed from reporting what really is sports news and have decided that they are going to dictate to the public what they want to be the sports news. They have no real competitor as Fox Sports has continuously blowed balls for years when they are doing anything besides local sports coverage. The best show Fox Sports has ever had was “The Best Damn Sports Show Period” and that was one of the worst sports shows ever exclamation mark. Fox Sports did have “Sports Science” for a time and that show can be very interesting but ESPN just took it from them as if they decided that it was too good for them to have.

I truly believe that there is room for a new sports network and that now would be the time to try and establish one. Ted Turner is probably the only person who could do this so you need to get on that Ted. I think that people are afraid to try because they see how badly ESPN kicks Fox Sports ass but that has a lot more to do with Fox Sports sucking than it does with ESPN being that great. ESPN basically has no competition in the way that Standard Oil did not have any competition. They have a monopoly on sports news and something needs to change. If it doesn’t, it is only a matter of time before you will become a fan of Nascar. You will not even notice the change in yourself. ESPN will slowly brainwash you over time into thinking that it is not just for hillbillies. Before you know it, you will own all kinds of apparel with a number 24 on it and you will love the shit out of some kind of a Jarret or a guy with Junior in his name.

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When Kellen Winslow Jr. was on the Browns he developed a condition known as “hydrocele” which literally made his testicles swell to the size of grapefruits. After the season, the Browns traded him to Tampa Bay. This Sunday, Winslow will be playing against his former team for the first time.

I am a Browns fan but I am also a Winslow fan. I was really pissed at him when he crashed his motorcycle but he came back and played as hard as could for Browns teams that usually sucked really bad. He even played through a case of what is scientifically known as “Grapefruit Sized Balls” syndrome even though it was probably the Browns fault that he ended up with such a huge problem with his testes. I expect that Winslow will be out for revenge this Sunday. What would you do if someone made you have grapefruit sized balls? To read more disgusting details about the former Brown’s balls click here.

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Chevrolet is supposedly trying to stop using the word “Chevy” and will now only go by their full name. Who are the ad wizards that came up with this one? This sounds like a publicity stunt to me. Putting out stupid press releases that get picked up by news outlets is something that seems to be going on a lot more lately. The news outlets are in on it because they need ratings to sell advertising and as a result the line between real and fake news will continue to be blurred. News sources that are based on factual evidence are getting their asses kicked by sources that are more tabloid-like in style, particularly on the internet, so the once reliable sources of news have no choice but to become more like their competition. Don’t worry. Nacho Donut is the most trusted source for news in the world.

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Prahladbhai Jani has gone 65 years without food or water. He now faces his greatest temptation, Nacho Donut.

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In case you haven’t noticed, Nacho Donut is blowing up. Here are images from the scene.

There are earthquakes predicted to occur in Los Angeles as a result of this so you should run for your life. When you are tired of running, quench your thirst with a Nacho Cheese Big Slam.

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