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On this day in history, roughly millions of years ago, the concept of boating was inadvertently invented by a monkey. This was probably the most important day ever.

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A monkey was in a tree, eating primitive bananas when part of the tree he was climbing broke and fell into a river. The Monkey’s instincts told him to hold on. He floated down the river as the other monkeys watched in amazement. They had never seen anything quite like this.

He eventually returned to shore and the other monkeys made the floating one their king. He passed on his knowledge of flotation devices to the others. Continued Nautical advancements were made and the boating monkeys proceeded to colonize the planet.

This unintentional innovation changed the history of primate evolution and you are able to read this completely factual account of the invention of the boat because of what that brave monkey did for you.

 

 

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Screen Shot 2015-04-25 at 4.46.39 AMCamels have been on my mind all day today. It is because I saw a picture of a camel biting a woman’s head yesterday. It is the funniest picture that I have seen in a while and made me remember Nacho Donut’s roots in animal attack pictures. I had to conduct research by doing a Google Image Search of Camels and I soon realized that Camels are both hilarious and greatly misunderstood.

Camels are intelligent beings. Who do think provided the Three Wise Men with their Wisdom, some yonder star? That is a ridiculous concept. The truth is that Camels do not like people riding on their backs.  Inside of the Camel’s hump is an additional hidden brain functioning as a supercomputer which science does not even want to begin to understand.

If a camel bites you then you deserved it and I don’t feel bad for you. This animal’s legacy has been tainted by cigarettes, Geico and stereotypes of Arabs roaming the desert chasing after a mirage of an oasis. (Now would be a good time to listen to the band “Oasis”)  People just assume that Camels do not need to drink that much. There is a lot more to the story than that.

Camels are actually really thirsty and they will bite the fucking shit out of your head to let you know this. If you were a camel then you would bite people’s heads too. The Camel doesn’t speak your language but it is trying to tell you something important.

So next time a camel is biting your head don’t be like “What the fuck, Camel? Don’t bite my head. I am mad at you now.” The Camel just wanted a drink after he traversed through a hot ass fucking desert. I guess that was asking too much wasn’t it ? What you really should be like is “My Bad, Camel. You must be thirsty. Here is some delicious water, you magnificent creature.” 

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Prahladbhai Jani has gone 65 years without food or water. He now faces his greatest temptation, Nacho Donut.

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Nacho Donut went to kick it with Hokusai in the 1820’s. His image left an impression on the Japanese artist which led to Nacho Donut’s depiction in the woodblock print, The Great Wave off Kanagawa.

Click the image for poster size version suitable for printing and framing.

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WalrusAttack

“Walrus Attack” brings Tuesday of Nacho Donut’s Animal Attack week to a close. It is in the style of “Polar Bear Attack” and “Bear Eats Baby at Zoo”.There will be three more days of this. Be sure to come back tomorrow as we will be bringing you more animal attacks from the jungle.

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