Landry’s Laundry

This is the best I can do for today.

Basketball Photoshoot

These are from my latest professional photoshoot. #basketball I know this means something.

Nacho Donut and Jarrett Coming Soon

I won’t leave you hanging on this. It is too important to the world. This is one of the greatest stories there has ever been. Have patience. The world will never be the same. Or is it?

There are no Words

Nacho Donut Joins Golden State Warriors

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 70,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

Nacho Donut and Pat Sajak, Vol. 5

The Time They Got Locked in That Dungeon

Of all the things Pat Sajak hated, what he hated most was being locked up in a dungeon and left for dead.

“Fuck,” Pat Sajak thought, “how did they know I hate being left for dead?”

As his eyes adjusted to the light, Pat Sajak noticed that Nacho Donut joined him in his current predicament. The two had been travelling along in their RV when a routine traffic stop brought their trip to a halt.

“How many fucking tickets do you have to get for us to be thrown in a dungeon?!” shouted Nacho Donut. “A DUNGEON?!”

“You better shut that little circle you call a mouth if you know what’s good for you, boy. Or girl.” replied Pat Sajak.

Pat Sajak was beginning to shimmy around and survey his surroundings. Pat Sajak also had a weird grin on his face.

“Can’t get any worse than this.” said Nacho Donut. “Unless you somehow break free and then decide that raping me is your first priority.”

Pat Sajak was insulted and had had enough. He had had enough before, but this was the most he had ever had had enough in his life. He had also had it up to here.

“Listen, you walking butthole. You fried little shit ring. I’ve seen Saw and all the trailers for the sequels. I know exactly what to do in a situation like this.”

As Pat Sajak was saying this, he grew redder and redder in the face. He was almost purple.

“All I gotta do is saw my fucking leg off and I’m outta here. Probably even fuck you on the way out,” Pat Sajak muttered.

Nacho Donut began to wonder when their relationship had become so sexual. It had always been violent, almost exclusively so, but this was a new wrinkle.

“Mr. Sajak, I think this is just a puzzle. And I’ve almost got it figured out…”

Before Nacho Donut could get another sentence out, Pat Sajak began to saw his fucking leg off.

“Sweet shit, that hurts! Oh, God, this is worse than Jeopardy!” screamed a surprisingly coherent, and obviously jealous, Pat Sajak.

As the hours passed, Pat Sajak came closer and closer to freedom as the lake of blood around his leg grew bigger and bigger. When Pat Sajak finally freed himself, he looked up, only to see there was no one else in the dungeon. Pat Sajak stumbled back to the apartment to see Nacho Donut, who had been there for hours, sprawled out on the couch. He had watched all the shit they had saved on the DVR. Of all the things Pat Sajak hated, what he hated second most was when people didn’t wait for him to watch shit he had saved on the DVR. The golden rule.

Then, Pat Sajak fainted and fell over, because he had chopped his leg off, while Nacho Donut Netflixed Love Actually.