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On this day in history, roughly millions of years ago, the concept of boating was inadvertently invented by a monkey. This was probably the most important day ever.

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A monkey was in a tree, eating primitive bananas when part of the tree he was climbing broke and fell into a river. The Monkey’s instincts told him to hold on. He floated down the river as the other monkeys watched in amazement. They had never seen anything quite like this.

He eventually returned to shore and the other monkeys made the floating one their king. He passed on his knowledge of flotation devices to the others. Continued Nautical advancements were made and the boating monkeys proceeded to colonize the planet.

This unintentional innovation changed the history of primate evolution and you are able to read this completely factual account of the invention of the boat because of what that brave monkey did for you.

 

 

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This concept has been in the works for a while. There is going to be a lot more to this but the four players that are turtles are together now. They will be fighting against evil forces in some kind of adventures.

Zach Randolph – Leonardo

Rajon Rondo – Raphael

James Jones – Donatello

Russel Westbrook – Michelangelo

 

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This is Perry’s Victory and International Peace Memorial, in Put-in-Bay, Ohio. It is also known as Perry’s Monument if you know what is up. Do you know what is up? If you don’t, then you need to click the link and let Wikipedia tell you what is up. Like how it is the world’s most massive Doric column. And that it was built in honor of Oliver Hazard Perry, who was a goddamn American hero in the War of 1812.

The photo is courtesy of me because I went there and took a picture. I didn’t see you there so don’t even try to tell me you were there enjoying American history, like I was. Do yourself a favor and take a trip to Put-in-Bay, Ohio and take in this architectural gem. While you’re there, you can also get drunk at Beer Barrel Saloon, which is home to the world’s longest bar. So, to recap, you can visit one island (oh yeah, Put-in-Bay is an island) and enjoy two of the biggest/longest things of their kind in the world. Then, you can write me the world’s best thank-you letter for telling you all about these great things.

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The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 70,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 4 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Print This Limited Edition Nacho Donut 2012 Commemorative Presidential Barack Obama/MMG Poster

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