Potato Chain

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Nothing Burger Abuse

What did Nothing Burger ever do to you?

The latest trend in media is Nothing Burger Bullying. People on the right, on the left and even those who recognize that they have zero obligation to join a group are participating. This has put Nothing Burger on pace to become Something by the end of this sentence.

Do you hate meat? Do you hate not-meat? Do you fear the rise of Nothing Burger?

Have you considered the feelings of Nothing Burger’s Barren Bun?

Without Bun, Nothing Burger would just be air. This would result in Nothing Burger being everywhere. An omnipresent Nothing Burger cognizant of those who have built themselves up by putting him down is not an enemy that I would want to have.

As a Not Food myself, I see this as an attack on all foods that mainly exist in the imaginations of fantasy foodies. Nothing Burger being pummeled in the media on a daily basis is destined to have repercussions. I will not be on the wrong side of history.

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Breakdancing Gorilla Enjoys Pool

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Bird Perfectly Mimics the Voice of DMX

I retired from twitter but I can see that you are still sending me things. I suggest that you take a time-out from tweeting and enjoy a real bird that sounds exactly like DMX.

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Retirement is Good

Retirement is good. A few months ago, I set up my computers and phone so that twitter could not function on them. I was trying to quit twitter for a while but couldn’t do it so I just made sure that twitter could not enter my life in any way. It was a great decision and has improved my life greatly. I would recommend it to anyone who uses twitter who would like to have more time and energy to accomplish things that they wanted to do in their life before twitter existed.

Twitter was very fun for a while but it has become a cesspool. I contributed to that cesspool at times but, in general, my twitter was extremely successful. I entertained thousands and arguably millions of people. I know that people have been trying to talk to me on twitter but whatever those people are saying will never make it to me. You may want to try more conventional methods of communication. If you are not interested in doing that, you might be surprised to find out that I do not care.

I conducted an experiment to see if banging my head against a brick wall for two months would accomplish more than using twitter for two months. As it turns out, banging your head against a brick wall for two months actually accomplishes an infinite amount more than using twitter for two months. I’m here for anyone who wants a scholarly debate in an appropriate setting but twitter mainly just gives the people tweeting a temporary burst of dopamine in the brain that tricks them into thinking that they did something important. The effect is similar to the effect that cocaine has on a person’s brain.

The person who is President right now had a lot of mean things said about him on twitter before the election. The mean things said about this person were intended to stop that person from becoming President. Despite having many mean things said about him on twitter, this person still won the election. In my opinion, this proves that saying mean things on twitter about a person running for office does not really help the cause of the person saying the mean things. If I wanted to change things, I probably would stop doing the exact same thing that has been proven to be ineffective but who am I to judge such tactics?

If likes and retweets resulted in election victories then saying mean things on twitter would be the best idea ever. However, that is not how the American electoral process works and, unless you dropped out of school prior to age 12, you would have been educated about the electoral college. If you don’t remember it then that is your fault and not the fault of your school. In addition to grade school education, there is a place called a library that has books in it that you can read for free. If you can not read then you might have trouble voting but I think that you should still be able to. However, if you are going to be mad at the electoral college, you have to be mad at it when your candidate wins and not just when your candidate loses.

Hating the person who is President will not stop that person from being President. It actually will not accomplish a single thing other than making you feel sad or angry. The people who like that President will be happy that you are sad or angry. Giving the opposition exactly what it wants is probably another example of a strategic mistake but I am a complete idiot so what do I know?

I believe that attaching one’s identity to a particular political party is one of the dumbest things that a person can possibly do in a free society. It is understandable for one’s identity to be linked to their religion but it is illogical to link your identity to your political party. When you link your identity to your political party, you are choosing for your political party to become your religion.

Politicians are not meant to be worshipped in America. A refusal to worship leaders as gods is one of the main reasons why America became a separate country from England. Over time, some educated people seem to have forgotten this. Additionally, both sides of the aisle undeniably seek and accept corporate contributions which makes America a Corporatocracy and not a Democracy.

In conclusion, Twitter sucks now. It is still better than Facebook, something that I have tried to use a little more, but I think that all social media platforms are pretty limited in their usefulness. I am going to maintain my twitter retirement and enjoy all of the positive things in my life. I wish you all the best in accomplishing whatever your goals and dreams are these days. David Letterman and I are currently having a post-retirement beard growing contest.

Your Friend,

@nachodonut

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Bon Voyage

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Is Gucci Mane Olmec?

Legends of the Hidden Temple and face tattoos were popular topics of discussion today. This led to some google image searching which revealed a great coincidence. As it turns out, Gucci Mane bears a striking resemblance to the giant Olmec heads of Mesoamerica. 

I was initially joking about this being true. However, after doing work in Photoshop, I am starting to believe that this may be more than a mere coincidence. Gucci Mane’s face fits perfectly onto these heads.

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Kanye West Butt Time

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Black Guy vs. White Guy on Google Image Search ???

 

I was trying to find this picture and it did not take long using Google Image Search. 

I searched “wtf black guy meme” and it was among the first pictures to show up. Then I searched just “black guy” and this is what came up as the results.

Link to Google Image Search of Black Guy

Link to Google Image Search of Black Guy

https://www.google.com/search?q=wtf+guy&espv=2&biw=1325&bih=924&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjc4MeUisDKAhWBu4MKHfjUA1AQ_AUIBigB#tbs=isz:l&tbm=isch&q=black+guy

Next, I searched for “White Guy” on Google Image Search and these were the results.

Link to Google Image Search for White Guy

https://www.google.com/search?q=wtf+guy&espv=2&biw=1325&bih=924&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjc4MeUisDKAhWBu4MKHfjUA1AQ_AUIBigB#tbs=isz:l&tbm=isch&q=White+Guy

Google Image Search’s selection of pictures is equally ridiculous for both the White and the Black Guy on Google Image Search.

 

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Nacho Donut on Channel 3 News

I don’t know if you have noticed but despite not having legs or feet, Nacho Donut has a little more pep in his step today than he did yesterday. Thats because he made it onto the local news station last night. 

With neither arms nor hands, Nacho Donut’s reach knows no boundaries. His Tweet and image of new Cleveland Browns’ coach Hue Jackson with the Wolverine hand were featured prominently on WKYC Channel 3, the local NBC affiliate for Cleveland, Ohio.

It was kind of like the time when Q-tip first heard his own voice on the radio when DJ Red Alert played a song that he was on except not anywhere near as significant. It was probably more like times when people say “Bob-a-Booey,Bob-a-Booey” on the news for Howard Stern. In any case, this was a great achievement in Nacho Donut history. 

Things like this are not supposed to happen but every once in a while there is a breakthrough that provides us all with hope for the future. This is validation of Nacho Donut’s greatness. Most importantly, this development should bring some much needed luck to the Cleveland Browns and especially Hue Jackson.

Thank you to Channel 3 for featuring Nacho Donut on the news. I must have some fans there. If you would have told me that Nacho Donut was on the news, I would have been worried about it being for crossing the line with some kind of controversial tweet that rubbed somebody the wrong way. If that ever happens, just know that my intention is to rub you the right way.

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