Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘History’ Category

What did Nothing Burger ever do to you?

The latest trend in media is Nothing Burger Bullying. People on the right, on the left and even those who recognize that they have zero obligation to join a group are participating. This has put Nothing Burger on pace to become Something by the end of this sentence.

500_F_152387599_kxYZtpAfmD0Ws70D6Z5ns6eokZad43Of

Do you hate meat? Do you hate not-meat? Do you fear the rise of Nothing Burger?

Have you considered the feelings of Nothing Burger’s Barren Bun?

Without Bun, Nothing Burger would just be air. This would result in Nothing Burger being everywhere. An omnipresent Nothing Burger cognizant of those who have built themselves up by putting him down is not an enemy that I would want to have.

As a Not Food myself, I see this as an attack on all foods that mainly exist in the imaginations of fantasy foodies. Nothing Burger being pummeled in the media on a daily basis is destined to have repercussions. I will not be on the wrong side of history.

Read Full Post »

Scooting-Dog-600x408.jpg

Like most people, I often find myself wondering, “What are the origins of the dingleberry ?”.  Today I took fecal matters into my own hands and decided to find out once and for all.  It turns out that a dingleberry was originally known as type of cranberry that grew on mountains. People who lived near dingleberry trees noticed that the poop that clings to the dreadlocked butt hairs of animals resembled dingleberries dangling from trees. Ever since, Dingleberry is a word that has stuck to our vernacular like a dingleberry.

Screen Shot 2017-07-07 at 1.38.29 PM.pngMalus_baccata_var_hymalaica1.jpge624a11c5f3af26471d04d83eb8a5ca1--future-boyfriend-work-outs.jpgaa69e2b472c9f214354f085322a70a6868e8c2c241fda8caf74b97364bf07ef1.jpg

Read Full Post »

Pre-Tonight Show and TBS Conan O’Brien may have been the funniest show that was on television in my lifetime. He is still funny but I just don’t watch much TV anymore.

Here is a classical Masturbating Bear compilation that I found on youtube.

Read Full Post »

Retirement is good. A few months ago, I set up my computers and phone so that twitter could not function on them. I was trying to quit twitter for a while but couldn’t do it so I just made sure that twitter could not enter my life in any way. It was a great decision and has improved my life greatly. I would recommend it to anyone who uses twitter who would like to have more time and energy to accomplish things that they wanted to do in their life before twitter existed.

Twitter was very fun for a while but it has become a cesspool. I contributed to that cesspool at times but, in general, my twitter was extremely successful. I entertained thousands and arguably millions of people. I know that people have been trying to talk to me on twitter but whatever those people are saying will never make it to me. You may want to try more conventional methods of communication. If you are not interested in doing that, you might be surprised to find out that I do not care.

I conducted an experiment to see if banging my head against a brick wall for two months would accomplish more than using twitter for two months. As it turns out, banging your head against a brick wall for two months actually accomplishes an infinite amount more than using twitter for two months. I’m here for anyone who wants a scholarly debate in an appropriate setting but twitter mainly just gives the people tweeting a temporary burst of dopamine in the brain that tricks them into thinking that they did something important. The effect is similar to the effect that cocaine has on a person’s brain.

The person who is President right now had a lot of mean things said about him on twitter before the election. The mean things said about this person were intended to stop that person from becoming President. Despite having many mean things said about him on twitter, this person still won the election. In my opinion, this proves that saying mean things on twitter about a person running for office does not really help the cause of the person saying the mean things. If I wanted to change things, I probably would stop doing the exact same thing that has been proven to be ineffective but who am I to judge such tactics?

If likes and retweets resulted in election victories then saying mean things on twitter would be the best idea ever. However, that is not how the American electoral process works and, unless you dropped out of school prior to age 12, you would have been educated about the electoral college. If you don’t remember it then that is your fault and not the fault of your school. In addition to grade school education, there is a place called a library that has books in it that you can read for free. If you can not read then you might have trouble voting but I think that you should still be able to. However, if you are going to be mad at the electoral college, you have to be mad at it when your candidate wins and not just when your candidate loses.

Hating the person who is President will not stop that person from being President. It actually will not accomplish a single thing other than making you feel sad or angry. The people who like that President will be happy that you are sad or angry. Giving the opposition exactly what it wants is probably another example of a strategic mistake but I am a complete idiot so what do I know?

I believe that attaching one’s identity to a particular political party is one of the dumbest things that a person can possibly do in a free society. It is understandable for one’s identity to be linked to their religion but it is illogical to link your identity to your political party. When you link your identity to your political party, you are choosing for your political party to become your religion.

Politicians are not meant to be worshipped in America. A refusal to worship leaders as gods is one of the main reasons why America became a separate country from England. Over time, some educated people seem to have forgotten this. Additionally, both sides of the aisle undeniably seek and accept corporate contributions which makes America a Corporatocracy and not a Democracy.

In conclusion, Twitter sucks now. It is still better than Facebook, something that I have tried to use a little more, but I think that all social media platforms are pretty limited in their usefulness. I am going to maintain my twitter retirement and enjoy all of the positive things in my life. I wish you all the best in accomplishing whatever your goals and dreams are these days. David Letterman and I are currently having a post-retirement beard growing contest.

Your Friend,

@nachodonut

Read Full Post »

wizard of Oz painting-1.pngScreen Shot 2017-02-05 at 2.37.44 PM.png

Read Full Post »

Saimiri_sciureus-1_Luc_Viatour.jpg

On this day in history, roughly millions of years ago, the concept of boating was inadvertently invented by a monkey. This was probably the most important day ever.

1.jpg

A monkey was in a tree, eating primitive bananas when part of the tree he was climbing broke and fell into a river. The Monkey’s instincts told him to hold on. He floated down the river as the other monkeys watched in amazement. They had never seen anything quite like this.

He eventually returned to shore and the other monkeys made the floating one their king. He passed on his knowledge of flotation devices to the others. Continued Nautical advancements were made and the boating monkeys proceeded to colonize the planet.

This unintentional innovation changed the history of primate evolution and you are able to read this completely factual account of the invention of the boat because of what that brave monkey did for you.

 

 

Read Full Post »

Legends of the Hidden Temple and face tattoos were popular topics of discussion today. This led to some google image searching which revealed a great coincidence. As it turns out, Gucci Mane bears a striking resemblance to the giant Olmec heads of Mesoamerica. 

I was initially joking about this being true. However, after doing work in Photoshop, I am starting to believe that this may be more than a mere coincidence. Gucci Mane’s face fits perfectly onto these heads. GmO_2.jpgcolossal_head-1427DF7CE2F778D57C9.jpgGucciOlmec4.jpgGM34.jpgOlmec-Art-Head-1946-San-Lorenzo.jpgGucciMane23.jpgcolossal_head-1446F201940599EE2DE.pngOlmecheadMNAH.jpgQuestionMark2.jpg

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »